Stay Tuned

Greetings! As many of you know, I've been pursuing a Masters in Plant Science and trying to write a waiter memoir.  I've decided to focus on finishing my Masters.
Stay tuned for new developments in food writing and T & A Farms as I wrap up my graduate work this spring.

Some Thoughts on Wine: Tips for Fine Dining Waiters Part 2 of 2

Without getting too bogged down in details, the French have simply been growing grapes for centuries.  They know what grows well where and know their “terroir”.  That’s why they developed a system (AOC) to codify their tradition and experience into a legal framework.   In France, one cannot simply plant Chardonnay in Bordeaux, and Cabernet in Burgundy.  For one they don’t grow well outside their regions of origin, plus they have a strong centuries old tradition of grape cultivation and strong interest in protecting their reputations.

Burgundy: Chardonnay and Pinot Noir

Bordeaux: Cabernet and Merlot plus some others.

Northern Rhone Valley: Syrah

Southern Rhone Valley: Grenache plus others to create a signature blend.

In the New World where the wine industry only took off in the last 40 years, there are now legal guidelines that follow the AOC model.  They are called AVA’s (American Viticultural Area).  This offers growers and winemakers the same panache to protect and foster the emerging reputations of their wines.

In California we have regions described by geography and demarcation of physical-political boundaries. 

Example: Napa Valley is 3 things at once.

1)   a county

2)   a valley

3)   an American Viticultural Area.

There used to be a lot of Pinot Noir and Chardonnay grown in Napa Valley proper, but the results were mixed.  Succeeding generations of wine makers realized it need a cooler climate to thrive.  The reason behind this is simple.  Burgundy France, where Chardonnay and Pinot Noir are from, grow at a high latitude (47˚).  It’s cold.  FYI quality production of Pinot Noir has moved to Oregon.  Willamette Valley is the same latitude as Burgundy. 

So, if one wants to grow quality Chardonnay and Pinot noir grapes in California, one must find a cool climate.  That’s why you will see wines labeled Carneros, Sonoma coast, Santa Rita Hills.  These are all AVAs and they are all situated where the fog can roll in and cool the vineyard.

What’s interesting is that grapes grow well in many areas of California.  The soil and weather is simply fantastic.  The grapes ripen easily, but we know that it’s not just sunshine and soil.  If that was the case, all the quality production could be done in the San Joaquin Valley.  If it’s too hot the grapes have too much sugar, or they can get bruised from the sun.  That’s why they grow table grapes and raisins in the Central Valley.  The one notable exception is Zinfandel.  It loves hot weather so it grows well there. 

Not all grapes are the same.  There are red grapes and green/yellow grapes.  All grape juice runs clear.  Color is extracted by leaving the grapes in contact with each other so the clear juice starts to absorb color and tannin from the skins, seeds and stems.  Red wine is made from red grapes and white wine is made from green/yellow grapes.  Rose, or blush wine is made from red grapes that have been lightly crushed and/or not left in contact with the skins for a long time.

Some Thoughts on Wine: Tips for Fine Dining Waiters Part 1 of 2

Some Thoughts on Wine: Tips for Fine Dining Waiters

First and foremost wine is an agricultural product made from a crop called grapes.  Grapes grow in the ground in certain places in the world.  Some of these grapes grow better in certain environments.  Soil and weather play the biggest part.  The French call this “terroir”, which loosely translates to “a sense of place”.  Viticulture techniques judiciously applied, are naturally important; however, as we all know from perusing a wine list that wines are “from” somewhere.  California Cabernet. Argentine Malbec, French Bordeaux, Italian Barolo.  Do you notice something about the above mentioned wines?  They all mention where they come from; however, the first two mention the varietal (type of grape), whereas the third and fourth mention a region in their respective countries.  All wines from Europe are called Old World wines.  In the Old World (Europe) wines are described by their geographical origin.  The French call this Appellation Origine Controlee (AOC).  New World wines are from the US, South America, South Africa, and Australia.  These wines are made from cuttings originally brought by emigrants from Europe.

            Once these new world grapes were planted, they developed their own flavor profile.  For instance, Bordeaux France is where Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot originated.  They are grown on the banks of the Gironde River.  It’s relatively cool and not too far from the Atlantic Ocean.  Contrast this with California Cabernet and Merlot, both widely planted in the warm Napa Valley a full 6 degrees latitude lower than Bordeaux.  The soil is rich volcanic soil and it is very hot in the summer.

So this terroir (sense of place) figures prominently in assessing a wine’s quality.  For example, Apples grow well in Washington.  It’s cold enough to give the fruit tree the requisite hours of chill necessary for optimum fruit production.  This cannot be said for Los Angeles.  There are pockets of micro-climates that will chill, but not like Washington, so one could assume that apples from Washington will be a higher quality apple.  For the sake of comparison, let’s assume farming methods are the same. 

            Think of a target with three concentric circles.  The outside circle is the big region.  The middle circle is the village.  The bull’s eye is the vineyard.  So we have

Burgundy = region = California

Chassagne Montrachet = village = Napa Valley

Montrachet = vineyard = Araujo Vineyard

Theoretically, if we had three white Burgundies (btw white wine from Burgundy is Chardonnay), and the first said Bourgogne Blanc, and the second said Chassagne Montrachet, and the 3rd said Montrachet, which one would be the highest quality?

The Taste: An Authentic L.A. Food and Wine Festival

If you consider yourself a true foodie Angeleno, update your Labor Day Google calendar as “BUSY” as you will be attending the Taste at Paramount studios.   The Los Angeles Times sponsored culinary event bills itself as “A Food and Wine festival that is authentically L.A.”, and a passing glance at the bios of the participants shows they’ve got the street credibility to back it up.

Five events over the course of three days (Aug 29-31), offer guests the very best food and drink L.A. has to offer, at an Angeleno food festival starring actual Angelenos. Nearly every culinary professional participating makes L.A. their home.  From the chefs, Nancy Silverton, Josiah Citrin, Michael Cimarusti, John Sedlar, and even Thomas Keller—who grew up in Oceanside—to the L.A. Times staff that spotlight the unique facets of this great city.  To have the likes of Pulitzer prize winning food critic Jonathan Gold, Test Kitchen chef Noelle Carter, or the veteran critic/cookbook author Russ Parsons teaming up with Michael Cimarusti, Thomas Keller, and Nancy Silverton, one cannot help but smile at your good fortune to break bread with these hometown heroes.

Whether it’s learning about “found food” at a foraging seminar with Pascal Baudar—who knew there were so many edible plants in Griffith Park?--or seeing how local chefs sustain the emerging food hubs by only sourcing from family farms within 100 miles, the Taste demonstrates how Los Angeles has consistently led the way in a citywide reimagining of food and its effect on our collective culinary culture.  Despite the fact that the Taste takes place at the venerable Paramount Studios, let’s face the truth.   As movie crazed as we are, very few Angelenos can tell you who won Best Actress at last year’s Oscars, but coax them to recount their first dinner at Mozza or Melisse, and the vivid recollection would make you swear they were channeling Billy Wilder.

The philosophical and practical commitment to excellence makes the Taste stand out from other Food and Wine Festivals.  It’s more than tasty samples.  It’s a culinary chautauqua, a harkening back to adult education tent show revivals where, in addition to incredible food, ideas are exchanged to nourish the body and open our eyes to new perspectives.  Naturally, the Taste spotlights Chefs and Cooking , but fortunately for us foodies, the other gastronomical guilds, some of which are only now rising from the dead, like heritage Bartending, Canning and Preserving, Butchering, Foraging, are given their due.

Fri. August 29 7:30 PM

Opening Night of the Taste with LA’s Best Chefs

Sat. August 30 11 AM

Field to Fork hosted by Russ Parsons and Nancy Silverton

Sat August 30 7:30 PM

Dinner with a Twist hosted by Jonathan Gold, Betty Hallock, John Sedlar, and Julian Cox

Sun August 31 11AM

Sunday Brunch hosted by Noelle Carter and Chef Thomas Keller

Sun August 31 7:30 PM

Flavors of L.A. hosted by Jonathan Gold and Michael Cimarusti

Lauren Bacall and the Fava Bean Incident

"When the widow Bogart finally dies, they'll be able to hold the wake in a phone booth..." 

--Frank Sinatra

As I begin to cull the memories from the recesses of my mind, where only Jack Daniels and my therapist have tread, this one rises like a cystic acne boil--too deep to pop, too painful to ignore--from my days as a VIP waiter at Spago Beverly Hills late 1990's.

I can’t say I wasn’t warned. At the pre-shift line up my boss Tracy came close, leaned in, and spoke in an ominous English accented whisper, not unlike a conjurer working a Ouija board, or a BBC announcer revealing the high probability of a Blitzkrieg raining down any moment. “Adam, you have Lauren Bacall on Patio 1.  Be all over that table.  Ms.Bacall can be difficult.  I’ll have your back.” Still buzzed from the two beers I had thrown back in my car before walking in the door, I shrugged.  Of course, I knew of the movie star Lauren Bacall.  Little did I know Ms. Bacall was gonna have my ass with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

As predicted, Lauren Bacall entered Spago right on time.  As she crossed the patio, people looked up for she emanated stardom, a classic Hollywood beauty. Some actors have star power.  Others, like Keanu Reeves, are often mistaken for valets, or homeless people.  Refined in her manners and dress, Lauren Bacall oozed sophistication.  Tracy had told me the young woman with her was her daughter, but there was someone else, who I did not recognize, and in retrospect, probably had been convicted of a crime and had to choose between 300 hours of community service, or dining out with Lauren Bacall.

Anyway, the order was fairly straight forward. She gazed at me with those piercing eyes and inquired, "What does the grilled swordfish came with?" 

Cool as a cucumber, I replied, "Fava beans."

When the fish arrived I was not at the table, but went to check on her soon thereafter. As I approached I saw her catch my eye, and she began beckoning me with her index finger.. “Yes Ms. Bacall, how is everything?”

She then starts stabbing the fish with her fork quite aggressively. “What seems to be the problem?” I inquired somewhat timidly, as small beads of sweat appeared on my forehead and slid down my puffy, booze saturated cheek.

She glared at me. “What do you think is the problem? I don’t see any fava beans. You specifically told me the swordfish comes with fava beans." STAB STAB STAB. "Where are the fava beans?!”

I gestured to the filet and said, “They’re under the fish.”

Now, a little back story. Restaurants like Spago don’t use heat lamps so the plates are preheated so the food arrives warm. And they are fucking hot, so the chef puts vegetables down first with the fish on top so it doesn’t get scorched by the heat of the plate. Anyway...

She looks under the fish, and without even an inkling of acknowledgement that perhaps the problem has been resolved, she stabs the fava beans.  “This is a disaster. A total disaster.”

I love how the rich and famous throw around words like “disaster”. Now mind you this was pre 9/11 so I was thinking to myself, “If this is a “disaster”, then what the hell happened in Oklahoma city at the courthouse?”

Of course we bought her lunch.  That's how self-entitled shakedown celebrities operate.  I found out later from my friend Dave, a waiter at the legendary Bel Air hotel, that Lauren Bacall has abused waiters and hotel employees throughout her life, and more importantly takes perverse pleasure in it. In fact while being interviewed at the Bel Air Hotel for her autobiography, I’m a Cunt, she took the opportunity--during an interview!--to berate a waiter who had the nerve to bring her tea in a tea pot! 

And I imagine this waiter could only think to himself, "Lauren, honey, they might not have been invented during the Jurassic Age of your childhood, but that’s why we serve tea in special pots called “tea” pots, you stupid sack of soiled satin."  Anyway she dismissed the waiter with a sarcastic line, “This isn’t Denny’s. Bring me a decanter like they use in room service.” This, according to the article, “left the waiter flustered and speechless”.

“That was me!”, exclaimed David as he read the article, “That fucking bitch humiliated me.”

Last I heard the Beverly Hills Hotel had told her, in a polite manner, no doubt, that she was no longer welcome there. No proof of that, just a rumor from some waiters, which is just as good as the truth for me.

Evolution of Street Food in LA.

My first article for a wonderful new website www.entertainmentvoice.com! The Evolution of Street Food in LA. http://entertainmentvoice.com/the-evolution-of-street-food/

Stay tuned for more!

We Got a Bad Potato! Part 2 of 2

Now by then I had waited on hundreds of the rich and famous, but this moment was an epiphany. This was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous incarnate.  I had heard that in the 1970s Marvin threw lavish parties at his home in Palm Springs for the Annenbergs, Henry Kissinger, Gerald Ford and their ilk. Attention fact checkers.  I heard this from a person with first-hand knowledge, who I trust.  In fact I trust this source with my most important worldly possession.  His name is Pete, the mechanic.  Pete, a Mexican-American cross between one of the polite chipmunks from Warner Bros. cartoons and Mickey Rooney (minus the asshole part), owns a successful repair shop in Highland Park.  Pete bought his repair shop in an all cash transaction, with funds acquired from the obscene tips he made in the 1970s as the VIP waiter of Section 1 at Chasens.  Section 1 signified royalty at Chasens.  Think Frank Sinatra and 100% tips (i.e. $1000 tip on a $1000 bill!).  These Palm Springs parties were catered by Chasens, and if there were 500 guests, and the choice for main course was a choice between steak, salmon, or chicken, Chasens prepared 500 of each dish, always one step ahead of the whimsical change of mind, and always factored into the final bill under Miscellaneous.

          Still, this was astonishing. How on earth could Greg, the chauffeur, have an extra potato on hand?

          How? Greg explained it to me. He always brought along two of everything, just in case “we got a bad potato.”

          This wasn’t the last of Mrs. Davis’s whims. A few weeks later I was waiting on Marvin and his symphony of sycophants, Mrs. Davis finally agreed to try our Dover Sole. Just one thing. She wanted that sole grilled, but she wanted no grill marks.

          I wrote down the order without blinking an eye though I knew that a piece of fish that is grilled but has no grill marks is just about as easy and likely as a sunrise without sun. I finally made my way to Marvin who thankfully ordered a simple Cote du Boeuf, rare, and as I was about to make my way to the computer terminal--the same terminal where fellow waiters greeted me with supportive words like, “Better you than me,” or “You must have been evil in a previous life.”--Mrs. D grabbed my arm with her bejeweled bony fingers, and said, “Adam, will the food be coming soon, I’m starving.”

          Never mind that I had just circled the table, and written down insane requests from Sydney Poitier, in the same “They call me Mr. Tibbs!” voice he was famous for.  Poitier wanted poussin—baby chicken—pounded thin.  Yeah, I’ll pull one of those out of my ass right away!  Or one of the Davis girls telling me she’s allergic to salt.  It makes up 0.9% of our blood volume!  If you’re allergic, you’re dead!  Regardless, in this Kafkaesque universe that I call Spago, the customer is always right.  Par for the course, I had to enter “SEE ME” under every item, and the “SEE ME” included a giant post-it note to the chef about those grill marks, poussin and salt allergies.  And as I sheepishly handed it to Cuko, the expediter, and ran from the line, I could feel Chef Lee’s breath.  I knew he was glaring at me through the hockey glass that separated us, furious at this mad request.  “What am I supposed to do,” he bellowed, “levitate the sole?!” 

          But unlike a Kafka bed time story, ours ends happily.  Lee grills the sole on a bed of carrots—they took the grill marks for the team.  Sydney Poitier got his poussin, although his poussin was little more than a slice of free range “adult” chicken pounded thin, and the salt allergy lady received a salt free dish that she promptly returned for being tasteless.