Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Some Thoughts on Wine: Tips for Fine Dining Waiters Part 1 of 2

Some Thoughts on Wine: Tips for Fine Dining Waiters
First and foremost wine is an agricultural product made from a crop called grapes.  Grapes grow in the ground in certain places in the world.  Some of these grapes grow better in certain environments.  Soil and weather play the biggest part.  The French call this “terroir”, which loosely translates to “a sense of place”.  Viticulture techniques judiciously applied, are naturally important; however, as we all know from perusing a wine list that wines are “from” somewhere.  California Cabernet. Argentine Malbec, French Bordeaux, Italian Barolo.  Do you notice something about the above mentioned wines?  They all mention where they come from; however, the first two mention the varietal (type of grape), whereas the third and fourth mention a region in their respective countries.  All wines from Europe are called Old World wines.  In the Old World (Europe) wines are described by their geographical origin.  The French call this Appellation Origine Controlee (AOC).  New World wines are from the US, South America, South Africa, and Australia.  These wines are made from cuttings originally brought by emigrants from Europe.
            Once these new world grapes were planted, they developed their own flavor profile.  For instance, Bordeaux France is where Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot originated.  They are grown on the banks of the Gironde River.  It’s relatively cool and not too far from the Atlantic Ocean.  Contrast this with California Cabernet and Merlot, both widely planted in the warm Napa Valley a full 6 degrees latitude lower than Bordeaux.  The soil is rich volcanic soil and it is very hot in the summer.

So this terroir (sense of place) figures prominently in assessing a wine’s quality.  For example, Apples grow well in Washington.  It’s cold enough to give the fruit tree the requisite hours of chill necessary for optimum fruit production.  This cannot be said for Los Angeles.  There are pockets of micro-climates that will chill, but not like Washington, so one could assume that apples from Washington will be a higher quality apple.  For the sake of comparison, let’s assume farming methods are the same. 
            Think of a target with three concentric circles.  The outside circle is the big region.  The middle circle is the village.  The bull’s eye is the vineyard.  So we have
Burgundy = region = California
Chassagne Montrachet = village = Napa Valley
Montrachet = vineyard = Araujo Vineyard

Theoretically, if we had three white Burgundies (btw white wine from Burgundy is Chardonnay), and the first said Bourgogne Blanc, and the second said Chassagne Montrachet, and the 3rd said Montrachet, which one would be the highest quality?

Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Taste: An Authentic L.A. Food and Wine Festival

If you consider yourself a true foodie Angeleno, update your Labor Day Google calendar as “BUSY” as you will be attending the Taste at Paramount studios.   The Los Angeles Times sponsored culinary event bills itself as “A Food and Wine festival that is authentically L.A.”, and a passing glance at the bios of the participants shows they’ve got the street credibility to back it up.
Five events over the course of three days (Aug 29-31), offer guests the very best food and drink L.A. has to offer, at an Angeleno food festival starring actual Angelenos. Nearly every culinary professional participating makes L.A. their home.  From the chefs, Nancy Silverton, Josiah Citrin, Michael Cimarusti, John Sedlar, and even Thomas Keller—who grew up in Oceanside—to the L.A. Times staff that spotlight the unique facets of this great city.  To have the likes of Pulitzer prize winning food critic Jonathan Gold, Test Kitchen chef Noelle Carter, or the veteran critic/cookbook author Russ Parsons teaming up with Michael Cimarusti, Thomas Keller, and Nancy Silverton, one cannot help but smile at your good fortune to break bread with these hometown heroes.
Whether it’s learning about “found food” at a foraging seminar with Pascal Baudar—who knew there were so many edible plants in Griffith Park?--or seeing how local chefs sustain the emerging food hubs by only sourcing from family farms within 100 miles, the Taste demonstrates how Los Angeles has consistently led the way in a citywide reimagining of food and its effect on our collective culinary culture.  Despite the fact that the Taste takes place at the venerable Paramount Studios, let’s face the truth.   As movie crazed as we are, very few Angelenos can tell you who won Best Actress at last year’s Oscars, but coax them to recount their first dinner at Mozza or Melisse, and the vivid recollection would make you swear they were channeling Billy Wilder.
The philosophical and practical commitment to excellence makes the Taste stand out from other Food and Wine Festivals.  It’s more than tasty samples.  It’s a culinary chautauqua, a harkening back to adult education tent show revivals where, in addition to incredible food, ideas are exchanged to nourish the body and open our eyes to new perspectives.  Naturally, the Taste spotlights Chefs and Cooking , but fortunately for us foodies, the other gastronomical guilds, some of which are only now rising from the dead, like heritage Bartending, Canning and Preserving, Butchering, Foraging, are given their due.

Fri. August 29 7:30 PM
Opening Night of the Taste with LA’s Best Chefs
Sat. August 30 11 AM
Field to Fork hosted by Russ Parsons and Nancy Silverton
Sat August 30 7:30 PM
Dinner with a Twist hosted by Jonathan Gold, Betty Hallock, John Sedlar, and Julian Cox
Sun August 31 11AM
Sunday Brunch hosted by Noelle Carter and Chef Thomas Keller
Sun August 31 7:30 PM
Flavors of L.A. hosted by Jonathan Gold and Michael Cimarusti

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Lauren Bacall and the Fava Bean Incident

"When the widow Bogart finally dies, they'll be able to hold the wake in a phone booth..." 


--Frank Sinatra


As I begin to cull the memories from the recesses of my mind, where only Jack Daniels and my therapist have tread, this one rises like a cystic acne boil--too deep to pop, too painful to ignore--from my days as a VIP waiter at Spago Beverly Hills late 1990's.

I can’t say I wasn’t warned. At the pre-shift line up my boss Tracy came close, leaned in, and spoke in an ominous English accented whisper, not unlike a conjurer working a Ouija board, or a BBC announcer revealing the high probability of a Blitzkrieg raining down any moment. “Adam, you have Lauren Bacall on Patio 1.  Be all over that table.  Ms.Bacall can be difficult.  I’ll have your back.” Still buzzed from the two beers I had thrown back in my car before walking in the door, I shrugged.  Of course, I knew of the movie star Lauren Bacall.  Little did I know Ms. Bacall was gonna have my ass with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

As predicted, Lauren Bacall entered Spago right on time.  As she crossed the patio, people looked up for she emanated stardom, a classic Hollywood beauty. Some actors have star power.  Others, like Keanu Reeves, are often mistaken for valets, or homeless people.  Refined in her manners and dress, Lauren Bacall oozed sophistication.  Tracy had told me the young woman with her was her daughter, but there was someone else, who I did not recognize, and in retrospect, probably had been convicted of a crime and had to choose between 300 hours of community service, or dining out with Lauren Bacall.

Anyway, the order was fairly straight forward. She gazed at me with those piercing eyes and inquired, "What does the grilled swordfish came with?" 

Cool as a cucumber, I replied, "Fava beans."

When the fish arrived I was not at the table, but went to check on her soon thereafter. As I approached I saw her catch my eye, and she began beckoning me with her index finger.. “Yes Ms. Bacall, how is everything?”

She then starts stabbing the fish with her fork quite aggressively. “What seems to be the problem?” I inquired somewhat timidly, as small beads of sweat appeared on my forehead and slid down my puffy, booze saturated cheek.

She glared at me. “What do you think is the problem? I don’t see any fava beans. You specifically told me the swordfish comes with fava beans." STAB STAB STAB. "Where are the fava beans?!”

I gestured to the filet and said, “They’re under the fish.”

Now, a little back story. Restaurants like Spago don’t use heat lamps so the plates are preheated so the food arrives warm. And they are fucking hot, so the chef puts vegetables down first with the fish on top so it doesn’t get scorched by the heat of the plate. Anyway...

She looks under the fish, and without even an inkling of acknowledgement that perhaps the problem has been resolved, she stabs the fava beans.  “This is a disaster. A total disaster.”

I love how the rich and famous throw around words like “disaster”. Now mind you this was pre 9/11 so I was thinking to myself, “If this is a “disaster”, then what the hell happened in Oklahoma city at the courthouse?”

Of course we bought her lunch.  That's how self-entitled shakedown celebrities operate.  I found out later from my friend Dave, a waiter at the legendary Bel Air hotel, that Lauren Bacall has abused waiters and hotel employees throughout her life, and more importantly takes perverse pleasure in it. In fact while being interviewed at the Bel Air Hotel for her autobiography, I’m a Cunt, she took the opportunity--during an interview!--to berate a waiter who had the nerve to bring her tea in a tea pot! 

And I imagine this waiter could only think to himself, "Lauren, honey, they might not have been invented during the Jurassic Age of your childhood, but that’s why we serve tea in special pots called “tea” pots, you stupid sack of soiled satin."  Anyway she dismissed the waiter with a sarcastic line, “This isn’t Denny’s. Bring me a decanter like they use in room service.” This, according to the article, “left the waiter flustered and speechless”.

“That was me!”, exclaimed David as he read the article, “That fucking bitch humiliated me.”

Last I heard the Beverly Hills Hotel had told her, in a polite manner, no doubt, that she was no longer welcome there. No proof of that, just a rumor from some waiters, which is just as good as the truth for me.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Evolution of Street Food in LA.

My first article for a wonderful new website www.entertainmentvoice.com! The Evolution of Street Food in LA. http://entertainmentvoice.com/the-evolution-of-street-food/

Stay tuned for more!

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

We Got a Bad Potato! Part 2 of 2


Now by then I had waited on hundreds of the rich and famous, but this moment was an epiphany. This was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous incarnate.  I had heard that in the 1970s Marvin threw lavish parties at his home in Palm Springs for the Annenbergs, Henry Kissinger, Gerald Ford and their ilk. Attention fact checkers.  I heard this from a person with first-hand knowledge, who I trust.  In fact I trust this source with my most important worldly possession.  His name is Pete, the mechanic.  Pete, a Mexican-American cross between one of the polite chipmunks from Warner Bros. cartoons and Mickey Rooney (minus the asshole part), owns a successful repair shop in Highland Park.  Pete bought his repair shop in an all cash transaction, with funds acquired from the obscene tips he made in the 1970s as the VIP waiter of Section 1 at Chasens.  Section 1 signified royalty at Chasens.  Think Frank Sinatra and 100% tips (i.e. $1000 tip on a $1000 bill!).  These Palm Springs parties were catered by Chasens, and if there were 500 guests, and the choice for main course was a choice between steak, salmon, or chicken, Chasens prepared 500 of each dish, always one step ahead of the whimsical change of mind, and always factored into the final bill under Miscellaneous.
          Still, this was astonishing. How on earth could Greg, the chauffeur, have an extra potato on hand?
          How? Greg explained it to me. He always brought along two of everything, just in case “we got a bad potato.”
          This wasn’t the last of Mrs. Davis’s whims. A few weeks later I was waiting on Marvin and his symphony of sycophants, Mrs. Davis finally agreed to try our Dover Sole. Just one thing. She wanted that sole grilled, but she wanted no grill marks.
          I wrote down the order without blinking an eye though I knew that a piece of fish that is grilled but has no grill marks is just about as easy and likely as a sunrise without sun. I finally made my way to Marvin who thankfully ordered a simple Cote du Boeuf, rare, and as I was about to make my way to the computer terminal--the same terminal where fellow waiters greeted me with supportive words like, “Better you than me,” or “You must have been evil in a previous life.”--Mrs. D grabbed my arm with her bejeweled bony fingers, and said, “Adam, will the food be coming soon, I’m starving.”
          Never mind that I had just circled the table, and written down insane requests from Sydney Poitier, in the same “They call me Mr. Tibbs!” voice he was famous for.  Poitier wanted poussin—baby chicken—pounded thin.  Yeah, I’ll pull one of those out of my ass right away!  Or one of the Davis girls telling me she’s allergic to salt.  It makes up 0.9% of our blood volume!  If you’re allergic, you’re dead!  Regardless, in this Kafkaesque universe that I call Spago, the customer is always right.  Par for the course, I had to enter “SEE ME” under every item, and the “SEE ME” included a giant post-it note to the chef about those grill marks, poussin and salt allergies.  And as I sheepishly handed it to Cuko, the expediter, and ran from the line, I could feel Chef Lee’s breath.  I knew he was glaring at me through the hockey glass that separated us, furious at this mad request.  “What am I supposed to do,” he bellowed, “levitate the sole?!” 
          But unlike a Kafka bed time story, ours ends happily.  Lee grills the sole on a bed of carrots—they took the grill marks for the team.  Sydney Poitier got his poussin, although his poussin was little more than a slice of free range “adult” chicken pounded thin, and the salt allergy lady received a salt free dish that she promptly returned for being tasteless. 


Sunday, July 6, 2014

We Got a Bad Potato! Part 1 of 2


          For years Marvin’s wife had been bringing her own food to Spago—salad, a piece of fish, green beans, and a baked potato. For months we tried to convince her to let us cook her Dover Sole, but she hadn’t yet agreed when, one night, as she was eating her own food in the Spago dining room, she flagged me down.
          Naturally I hurried to her side. I couldn’t imagine what the problem could be since I hadn’t served her a thing from our menu.
          “Adam,” she said, “this potato tastes bad.”
          By then I had learned that the customer is always right, so naturally I said, “Let me remove it, then,” and I removed the delinquent potato from her plate, prepared simply to toss it.
          “Tell Gary about the bad potato,” she said.
          Gary was her security guard, a retired LAPD detective and a bear of a man with a thick walrus moustache. Gary dressed in a slick black suit, an earpiece in his ear, and whenever I saw him, it struck me that he looked right at home riding shotgun in a limo.
          That evening I found him standing at the end of a quiet hallway by the bar.  To the left was the wine room, to the right another beveled glass door with the Flame of Life etched in it, which opened eastward to a beautiful narrow alley.  Shrouded in almost perpetual shade by towering blue gum eucalyptus, with a brick raised garden bed overflowing with exotic, shade loving bromeliads, and the wafting, intoxicating scent of night blooming jasmine, this walkway cleverly disguised an ulterior purpose: the surreptitious transport of VIPS.  For you see, the pathway broke in the other direction, by means of a narrow passage that connected the valet station and the alley.  When informed by the Maître’d, valets ran to the back and assisted “camera shy” celebrities before the paparazzi could run around the building.  Mr. Davis; however, was not in need of this service.  He had his own valets (body guards), Gary and John, and Greg the chauffeur.  So I saunter up to Gary, as he sips a coke. “Gary,” I said, proffering the potato, “Mrs. Davis wanted you to know we got a bad potato.”
          I had no idea what he was supposed to do with that information, but that wasn’t my problem, after all.
          He turned and looked at me. “Really?” His voice had that deep-throated cop sound to it, and I watched as he leaned into his wrist mic and said,
 “Greg, we got a bad potato here!” 
          Greg was the limo driver, and I couldn’t imagine what the limo driver was supposed to do.
          Gary listened a moment and turned back to me and said, “Hang on,” and I stood there, vaguely wondering if they had a plan. A few seconds later Greg came running through the alley and to the back door. He was carrying a new baked potato!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Taming of the Review--the Spago Tasting Menu Part 5 of 5

An elegant white Burgundy from Pouilly-Fuissé precedes the agnolotti, and we waiters inform the guest that this postage stamp-sized ravioli are closely inspired by the Piedmontese model, filled with fresh sweet corn, a touch of Mascarpone and Reggiano, butter and caramelized corn kernels.  But when the manager steps up and presents a cutting board with a large summer truffle and begins shaving it into delicate slivers that float like rose petals onto the dish, the din of the crowd vanishes. A portal opens. Goodbye Earth.  I say this with no apologies for the summer truffle’s status as third tier truffle, behind the classic black truffle of late summer and the angelic white truffle d’Alba that graces us with her presence in November.  Tasting menus done on the scale of Spago allow for elevated culinary journeys that do not necessitate a credit check.
The truffles allow the next dish, roast suckling pig with last of the season morels and fava beans, to offer an experience of two great spring flavor combinations nearing the end of their availability.  The crispiness of the pork, coupled with the earthiness of the morels, lend themselves nicely to a classic California zinfandel, and Michael Bonaccorsi forces the guest to think outside the box by offering a Ravenswood “old vine” Zin from Lodi, California!  Educated wine lovers, with all this talk of terroir and AOC, might be perplexed to discover this superb wine originates from the heart of California’s central valley, a place famous for raisins and Gallo wine. But there is that zinfandel with its deep purple hue, its jammy nose, the pronounced black pepper on the palate and supple tannins, the Ravenswood “old vines” Zinfandel from Lodi tells us to forget our pretenses and to look for quality and value wherever it may reside, and despite his predilections, that ability is Bonaccorsi’s genius.
Traditionally, the final meat dish would be rack of lamb or Kobe beef; however, now and then a guest might request another kind of beef, one that happened to be on the regular menu.  Côte de Bœuf , which loosely translates as “hunk of cow,” is a bone in rib-eye, or cowboy steak.  Added to this incredible cut, seasoned with only kosher salt and fresh ground pepper, we served pommes aligot, for which there is no direct English translation, the closest being “cheesy potato heart attack.”  Rumor had it Chef Lee brought the recipe back from three-star Michel Bras in Laguiole, France—and the fact is, this was the only dish at Spago that came with directions to Cedars-Sinai hospital.  Such a dish demanded a wine with enough tannins to tame it, and fortunately we had many to choose from, from a young Bordeaux to a rich Syrah from Santa Barbara County—Bonaccorsi’s preference being Santa Barbara where ultimately he moved to make his own high quality Pinot Noir.
The dishes cleared, the table crumbed almost for the last time, the good waiter fades into the background, leaving a guest on her own for a while.  She might observe a smartly dressed man and beautiful young lady having a light dinner—wondering at that, though we knew that the man had earlier eaten dinner with his wife.   The sommelier returns with the cheese cart, displaying  Brillat-Savarin, a triple-cream from Normandy; Brin d'Amour, a Corsican raw sheep's milk cheese rolled in herbs; Stilton, the famous English blue cheese; Pont l'Eve^que, from Normandy; and Te^te de Moine (aka Monk's Head), a raw Swiss-made cheese shaved by a spinning shaving blade into flower-like ruffles.  Sometimes we offered a trio, sometimes all of one, and the wine pairing depended on the cheese.  Bleu cheeses call for ports; soft whites go well with sauterne, and the harder cheeses allow the guest to carry forward the Syrah from the last course.
Next came a phase that that often incited the ire of the pastry chef, Sherry Yard.  Often Chef Lee hit guests so hard, they raised the white flag at this juncture, fearing even eating a thin mint would cause an explosion like that of the gluttonous man in the Monty Python sketch.  Sorbet arrived to cleanse the stinky cheese breath palate, and on its heels came a light fruit-based offering, or perhaps something astonishing like a classic mille-fueille, “thousand leaves,” embellished with blood orange zest in pastry cream and with juice from the fruit in the crème anglaise.  As if the artistry of the presentation wasn’t enough, Sherry often served the dessert herself, flooring the guests, leaving them sated and grateful.
At last, from a perch on the cliffs of culinary bliss, warmed by the Spago sun, a guest might take in the look of the bustling place with a clarity she missed on arrival. As intimate as the meal felt and was, the dining room is huge, one that easily could seat 200 guests at once. Since the tasting experience stretched out over two seatings, over 300 meals were likely served over its course! 
The bill arrives, always a rock solid reminder that the guest has returned to earth. Indeed, a guest might wonder if he’s just eaten in a tourist trap.
The answer is yes. Spago is a tourist destination. But the food and service elevate it far above other tourist traps like Mann’s Chinese Theatre or the Hollywood Wax Museum.  Still, some social critics—and more than a few jealous restaurateurs have knocked Spago’s fame as indicative of undeserving Hollywood glitter. There have been whispers and worse—that the Spago scene swindles through culinary subterfuge; that it’s all smoke and mirrors, a false heaven. 
To that I always said, “Praise the Lord!  You’re cured!  You can walk again!”