We Got a Bad Potato! Part 2 of 2

Now by then I had waited on hundreds of the rich and famous, but this moment was an epiphany. This was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous incarnate.  I had heard that in the 1970s Marvin threw lavish parties at his home in Palm Springs for the Annenbergs, Henry Kissinger, Gerald Ford and their ilk. Attention fact checkers.  I heard this from a person with first-hand knowledge, who I trust.  In fact I trust this source with my most important worldly possession.  His name is Pete, the mechanic.  Pete, a Mexican-American cross between one of the polite chipmunks from Warner Bros. cartoons and Mickey Rooney (minus the asshole part), owns a successful repair shop in Highland Park.  Pete bought his repair shop in an all cash transaction, with funds acquired from the obscene tips he made in the 1970s as the VIP waiter of Section 1 at Chasens.  Section 1 signified royalty at Chasens.  Think Frank Sinatra and 100% tips (i.e. $1000 tip on a $1000 bill!).  These Palm Springs parties were catered by Chasens, and if there were 500 guests, and the choice for main course was a choice between steak, salmon, or chicken, Chasens prepared 500 of each dish, always one step ahead of the whimsical change of mind, and always factored into the final bill under Miscellaneous.

          Still, this was astonishing. How on earth could Greg, the chauffeur, have an extra potato on hand?

          How? Greg explained it to me. He always brought along two of everything, just in case “we got a bad potato.”

          This wasn’t the last of Mrs. Davis’s whims. A few weeks later I was waiting on Marvin and his symphony of sycophants, Mrs. Davis finally agreed to try our Dover Sole. Just one thing. She wanted that sole grilled, but she wanted no grill marks.

          I wrote down the order without blinking an eye though I knew that a piece of fish that is grilled but has no grill marks is just about as easy and likely as a sunrise without sun. I finally made my way to Marvin who thankfully ordered a simple Cote du Boeuf, rare, and as I was about to make my way to the computer terminal--the same terminal where fellow waiters greeted me with supportive words like, “Better you than me,” or “You must have been evil in a previous life.”--Mrs. D grabbed my arm with her bejeweled bony fingers, and said, “Adam, will the food be coming soon, I’m starving.”

          Never mind that I had just circled the table, and written down insane requests from Sydney Poitier, in the same “They call me Mr. Tibbs!” voice he was famous for.  Poitier wanted poussin—baby chicken—pounded thin.  Yeah, I’ll pull one of those out of my ass right away!  Or one of the Davis girls telling me she’s allergic to salt.  It makes up 0.9% of our blood volume!  If you’re allergic, you’re dead!  Regardless, in this Kafkaesque universe that I call Spago, the customer is always right.  Par for the course, I had to enter “SEE ME” under every item, and the “SEE ME” included a giant post-it note to the chef about those grill marks, poussin and salt allergies.  And as I sheepishly handed it to Cuko, the expediter, and ran from the line, I could feel Chef Lee’s breath.  I knew he was glaring at me through the hockey glass that separated us, furious at this mad request.  “What am I supposed to do,” he bellowed, “levitate the sole?!” 

          But unlike a Kafka bed time story, ours ends happily.  Lee grills the sole on a bed of carrots—they took the grill marks for the team.  Sydney Poitier got his poussin, although his poussin was little more than a slice of free range “adult” chicken pounded thin, and the salt allergy lady received a salt free dish that she promptly returned for being tasteless. 

We Got a Bad Potato! Part 1 of 2

          For years Marvin’s wife had been bringing her own food to Spago—salad, a piece of fish, green beans, and a baked potato. For months we tried to convince her to let us cook her Dover Sole, but she hadn’t yet agreed when, one night, as she was eating her own food in the Spago dining room, she flagged me down.

          Naturally I hurried to her side. I couldn’t imagine what the problem could be since I hadn’t served her a thing from our menu.

          “Adam,” she said, “this potato tastes bad.”

          By then I had learned that the customer is always right, so naturally I said, “Let me remove it, then,” and I removed the delinquent potato from her plate, prepared simply to toss it.

          “Tell Gary about the bad potato,” she said.

          Gary was her security guard, a retired LAPD detective and a bear of a man with a thick walrus moustache. Gary dressed in a slick black suit, an earpiece in his ear, and whenever I saw him, it struck me that he looked right at home riding shotgun in a limo.

          That evening I found him standing at the end of a quiet hallway by the bar.  To the left was the wine room, to the right another beveled glass door with the Flame of Life etched in it, which opened eastward to a beautiful narrow alley.  Shrouded in almost perpetual shade by towering blue gum eucalyptus, with a brick raised garden bed overflowing with exotic, shade loving bromeliads, and the wafting, intoxicating scent of night blooming jasmine, this walkway cleverly disguised an ulterior purpose: the surreptitious transport of VIPS.  For you see, the pathway broke in the other direction, by means of a narrow passage that connected the valet station and the alley.  When informed by the Maître’d, valets ran to the back and assisted “camera shy” celebrities before the paparazzi could run around the building.  Mr. Davis; however, was not in need of this service.  He had his own valets (body guards), Gary and John, and Greg the chauffeur.  So I saunter up to Gary, as he sips a coke. “Gary,” I said, proffering the potato, “Mrs. Davis wanted you to know we got a bad potato.”

          I had no idea what he was supposed to do with that information, but that wasn’t my problem, after all.

          He turned and looked at me. “Really?” His voice had that deep-throated cop sound to it, and I watched as he leaned into his wrist mic and said,

 “Greg, we got a bad potato here!” 

          Greg was the limo driver, and I couldn’t imagine what the limo driver was supposed to do.

          Gary listened a moment and turned back to me and said, “Hang on,” and I stood there, vaguely wondering if they had a plan. A few seconds later Greg came running through the alley and to the back door. He was carrying a new baked potato!

The Taming of the Review--the Spago Tasting Menu Part 5 of 5

An elegant white Burgundy from Pouilly-Fuissé precedes the agnolotti, and we waiters inform the guest that this postage stamp-sized ravioli are closely inspired by the Piedmontese model, filled with fresh sweet corn, a touch of Mascarpone and Reggiano, butter and caramelized corn kernels.  But when the manager steps up and presents a cutting board with a large summer truffle and begins shaving it into delicate slivers that float like rose petals onto the dish, the din of the crowd vanishes. A portal opens. Goodbye Earth.  I say this with no apologies for the summer truffle’s status as third tier truffle, behind the classic black truffle of late summer and the angelic white truffle d’Alba that graces us with her presence in November.  Tasting menus done on the scale of Spago allow for elevated culinary journeys that do not necessitate a credit check.

The truffles allow the next dish, roast suckling pig with last of the season morels and fava beans, to offer an experience of two great spring flavor combinations nearing the end of their availability.  The crispiness of the pork, coupled with the earthiness of the morels, lend themselves nicely to a classic California zinfandel, and Michael Bonaccorsi forces the guest to think outside the box by offering a Ravenswood “old vine” Zin from Lodi, California!  Educated wine lovers, with all this talk of terroir and AOC, might be perplexed to discover this superb wine originates from the heart of California’s central valley, a place famous for raisins and Gallo wine. But there is that zinfandel with its deep purple hue, its jammy nose, the pronounced black pepper on the palate and supple tannins, the Ravenswood “old vines” Zinfandel from Lodi tells us to forget our pretenses and to look for quality and value wherever it may reside, and despite his predilections, that ability is Bonaccorsi’s genius.

Traditionally, the final meat dish would be rack of lamb or Kobe beef; however, now and then a guest might request another kind of beef, one that happened to be on the regular menu.  Côte de Bœuf , which loosely translates as “hunk of cow,” is a bone in rib-eye, or cowboy steak.  Added to this incredible cut, seasoned with only kosher salt and fresh ground pepper, we served pommes aligot, for which there is no direct English translation, the closest being “cheesy potato heart attack.”  Rumor had it Chef Lee brought the recipe back from three-star Michel Bras in Laguiole, France—and the fact is, this was the only dish at Spago that came with directions to Cedars-Sinai hospital.  Such a dish demanded a wine with enough tannins to tame it, and fortunately we had many to choose from, from a young Bordeaux to a rich Syrah from Santa Barbara County—Bonaccorsi’s preference being Santa Barbara where ultimately he moved to make his own high quality Pinot Noir.

The dishes cleared, the table crumbed almost for the last time, the good waiter fades into the background, leaving a guest on her own for a while.  She might observe a smartly dressed man and beautiful young lady having a light dinner—wondering at that, though we knew that the man had earlier eaten dinner with his wife.   The sommelier returns with the cheese cart, displaying  Brillat-Savarin, a triple-cream from Normandy; Brin d'Amour, a Corsican raw sheep's milk cheese rolled in herbs; Stilton, the famous English blue cheese; Pont l'Eve^que, from Normandy; and Te^te de Moine (aka Monk's Head), a raw Swiss-made cheese shaved by a spinning shaving blade into flower-like ruffles.  Sometimes we offered a trio, sometimes all of one, and the wine pairing depended on the cheese.  Bleu cheeses call for ports; soft whites go well with sauterne, and the harder cheeses allow the guest to carry forward the Syrah from the last course.

Next came a phase that that often incited the ire of the pastry chef, Sherry Yard.  Often Chef Lee hit guests so hard, they raised the white flag at this juncture, fearing even eating a thin mint would cause an explosion like that of the gluttonous man in the Monty Python sketch.  Sorbet arrived to cleanse the stinky cheese breath palate, and on its heels came a light fruit-based offering, or perhaps something astonishing like a classic mille-fueille, “thousand leaves,” embellished with blood orange zest in pastry cream and with juice from the fruit in the crème anglaise.  As if the artistry of the presentation wasn’t enough, Sherry often served the dessert herself, flooring the guests, leaving them sated and grateful.

At last, from a perch on the cliffs of culinary bliss, warmed by the Spago sun, a guest might take in the look of the bustling place with a clarity she missed on arrival. As intimate as the meal felt and was, the dining room is huge, one that easily could seat 200 guests at once. Since the tasting experience stretched out over two seatings, over 300 meals were likely served over its course! 

The bill arrives, always a rock solid reminder that the guest has returned to earth. Indeed, a guest might wonder if he’s just eaten in a tourist trap.

The answer is yes. Spago is a tourist destination. But the food and service elevate it far above other tourist traps like Mann’s Chinese Theatre or the Hollywood Wax Museum.  Still, some social critics—and more than a few jealous restaurateurs have knocked Spago’s fame as indicative of undeserving Hollywood glitter. There have been whispers and worse—that the Spago scene swindles through culinary subterfuge; that it’s all smoke and mirrors, a false heaven. 

To that I always said, “Praise the Lord!  You’re cured!  You can walk again!”

The Taming of the Review--the Spago Tasting Menu Part 4

But back to our guest at the tasting menu table where the sommelier is describing the next wine, an Austrian white called Gruner Veltliner.  Within minutes the first course arrives in the form of white asparagus, prepared first as a salad with a Meyer lemon vinaigrette, and second as a warm gratin.  Asparagus challenges most wines for its naturally high levels of sulfurous methionine convert the taste of even the finest whites into something not unlike vegetal compost tea.  But then there is the Gruner Veltliner, a wine savory enough to cut through any resistance the asparagus mounts.  And the white asparagus itself, with its lack of chlorophyll--a result of sunlight never being allowed to touch it--diminishes the vegetal notes, thus aiding the wine, and everything is perfection, again.

By the time the guest has finished the two asparagus dishes, he might glance at the big man and see his table has already received a dozen dishes— as if the kitchen knew ahead of time what to prepare. The guest might ask and learn that the big man is Marvin Davis, and Spago values his business. Of course they knew ahead of time what to prepare. He eats here every day, twice a day.

 Plates are cleared efficiently, the silver replaced, another white wine glass added as the waiter arrives with a bottle of E. Guigal Condrieu.  When anyone asked, all we waiters knew how to answer. Condrieu is not a grape, it’s a place, and the history of Condrieu is built around one famous grape, Viognier, which makes a peachy but dry wine that lends itself nicely to Asian cuisine, particularly Thai.  A seafood curry arrives, featuring beautiful Santa Barbara spot prawns in red curry with raised octave notes of kaffir lime and Thai basil. The prawns' heads, tempura battered, lie on squares of white paper in the center of the table.  By now the guest can almost touch the moon.

The dishes begin to arrive in succession, and the keen-eyed guest will notice: They seem to come from everywhere around the globe.  Chef Lee Hefter commands a ship that sails the globe searching for the right ingredients, ingredients that, when synthesized, will elevate the diner to a vantage point high above the earth.  Oddly, wine pairings remain rooted in the old world since the master sommelier, Michael Bonaccorsi, believes that the “old world” set the bar by which the “new world” must be measured.  Many a wine enthusiast has embraced good wines from California and Chile and Australia, but the Europeans have been cooking and making wine for a long, long time.  There is a reason the Loire Valley is famous for its goat cheese so it’s no accident that the Sauvignon Blanc grown in the Valley is the right wine to accompany that cheese.  The French feel so strongly about these connections they have codified them into a system called Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée (AOC).

That said, the Turbot that arrives atop an eggplant nicoise may find a crisp Rose from Provence as its soul mate.  The sense of place, what the French call terroir, shines in the delicate texture and mellow flavor of the turbot, which only days earlier was fished off the Mediterranean coast of France and expressed overnight to Spago’s kitchen.  The crisp green beans, tomatoes, and delicate quail egg, comingle subtly with the interplay of fish and wine.

Next comes a straightforward sautéed Foie gras with a cherry reduction, but the wine accompaniment shows an understanding of the physiology of taste that would bring a smile to Brillat-Saverin’s face.  Jurancon Sec, the dry version of Jurancon, made from Gros Manseng,  and hailing from the Southwest of France,  integrates itself into the scene with its deep golden color, not unlike that found in Sauterne, but totally different.  Something miraculous is afoot.

The Taming of the Review--the Spago Tasting Menu Part 3

            As soon as Spago Beverly Hills opened, an amuse bouche—often the miso cone—became a tradition. A trio of amuse bouche arrived in quick succession, season specific, for Spago’s menus always followed the seasons. You’d never find blueberries from Chile in December.  Truthfully, the billionaire Marvin Davis could get out-of-season fruit whenever he wanted since he didn’t believe in winter, summer, fall or spring; he lived only in Marvin time and assumed others did too.  Once Mr. D, as we called him, travelled to Houston in the morning to check on his oil company and returned to L.A. that evening just in time for dinner.  I’d heard Houston was struck by severe thunderstorms that day, so I asked, “Mr. D., how was the weather?”

             “What’s weather?” he replied, and it struck me then: Of course he had no sense of weather. He moved from air conditioned house to garage to air conditioned limo, to private plane in private hangar, to Houston hangar, to new air conditioned limo, to garage to air conditioned office.  Mark Twain once famously said, “Everybody talks about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it, but I realized in that moment that Marvin Davis had indeed done something about it.

            At any rate, back to the table. In early summer, the amuse bouche might be a delicate mini tart, filled with the first of the season’s Junecrest peaches from the Masumoto family farm just south of Fresno, topped with a dollop of mousse de foie gras marinated in sweet Moscato. This would be followed by a confit of pork belly tucked inside a pâte feuilletée.  Once the guest had peeled himself off the ceiling and floated back to the table, he was greeted by a petite tasse brimming with Santa Barbara sea urchin pot de creme illuminated by a wasabi cream and osetra caviar.  Sometimes I watched a guest and imagined he must be wondering if he ought to eat it or sell it to the highest bidder at Sotheby’s for the dish is that beautiful, and the very moment the urchin touches tongue, . The taste rockets the taste buds to the fourth dimension where time stands still and Cher looks young.

            As the guest comes to, waiter, sommelier, assistant sommelier and manager are staging glasses for the first course of the evening.  Sometimes a guest’s eyes might wander to glance at the big star who just entered the restaurant or to gaze at Wolfgang Puck standing just across the room despite having appeared live that very morning on Good Morning America. .  “How the hell did he get back in time for dinner?” a guest might ask herself. “He was in New York this morning and now he’s signing a stack of cookbooks for one large table, posing for a photo with another.  

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, Barbara Lazaroff, designer and partner (soon to be Puck's estranged wife), appears and works her way around the room.  She’s directing busboys who carry a huge, booth-like chair into the main dining room and set it at a large, round table.  From a side door an enormous man enters; he’s accompanied by two burly men and a petite lady, obviously the man’s his wife dressed to the nines in a fabulous St. John knit.  At that moment Sydney Poitier appears around the corner, joined by Jackie Collins and Bob Newhart!  Barbara embraces them all.  And as I watched I always heard the Spago refrain playing in my mind: Live! Love! Eat!

Taming of the Review--the Spago Tasting Menu Pt. 2

Immediately inside, standing attention at the host stand was the Maitre’d at Spago Beverly Hills, Jenny.  The time difference between a small delay and an hour-long wait could be subdivided by a simple twenty dollar bill while a hundred could send time reeling backwards.  Once past the portal, guests were escorted by cordial, and smartly dressed young ladies through the bustling, loud dining room, and seated at an elegant table with creme colored linen, and heavy teak chairs with the Flame of Life etched into their backs.  The pulling of the chairs for the guests was of utmost importance for no other reasons than, 1) it was polite, and 2) they weighed a fucking ton.   These custom made behemoths were a sight to behold.  They were unstackable, in yet another Barbara Lazaroff design triumph of form over function.  Their legs undulated, giving way to impossible curves that brought to mind Steve Martin’s Cruel Shoes.  I remember when the restaurant was new, and Barbara saw damage on these chairs, she went berserk, and you’d hear her and Wolf arguing in the hallway by the garden.  “Barbara, it’s a restaurant, not a museum!” he would lament.

When we knew a guest was planning to have  a tasting menu--or if the guest was a reviewer who had no choice but to eat whatever we served --the table was set simply, with a classic mis-en-place and a champagne flute.  Old school joints like Chasens began with an empty table, the waiter taking a cocktail or champagne order and serving up that order with oysters or their famous seafood platter and afterwards setting up the appropriate mis-en-place.  But by the time Spago Beverly Hills opened, times had changed. In the new era, even VIPs wanted bread right away, and Spago obliged serving an array of wonderful house baked breads like crispy Lavash, as well as olive, walnut, and sourdough from Nancy Silverton’s La Brea Bakery.  Spago couldn’t make everything in house, but if they went outside, they went for the best.  This also made sense as Nancy and her husband/partner, Mark Peel had both apprenticed at Spago in the 1980s.

So now the guest is seated, so let’s get started.  A true tasting menu always begins with champagne.  Cocktails at the table are bad-form.  Having a Negroni lingering on the sidelines like some vagrant on a piazza in Florence is absurd, but a wise waiter carefully navigates these waters.  You don’t want the guest juggling his cocktail, and Billecart-Salmon with his amuse bouche (its purpose to amuse the senses), miso cone with ahi tuna tartare.  The wise waiter proffers champagne with a small introduction.  “We are happy to offer a world renowned cuvee Bille-Cart Salmon Brut Rose,” making the 3 oz. pour in one pass. 

            The fine waiter pours the Billecart-Salmon and the iridescent bubbles that race to the top, dare him to twist the bottle back just before overflowing.  If all goes well, the table will be aglow with an effervescence that beckons the diner to a higher state of consciousness.  Something truly wonderful is about to reveal itself.  If the stars have led us towards a fusion of cultures, the sesame miso cone with Ahi tartare will manifest itself, or perhaps the strong pull of traditional European cuisine will be desired, and then the amuse bouche might be a potato gallette with crème fraiche, smoked sturgeon and black osetra caviar.  Either way, the champagne and crunch transport the diner into an astral plane; he is rising and flying, like a honeybee racing, towards the warmth of the sun.

Memory Lane: the Lazaroff "Spago" Collection Goes on the Block

Wow!  I saw Julien’s Auctions of Beverly Hills--The Auction House to the Stars!--plans to auction a sizable collection of works of art from the collection of Barbara Lazaroff. 

Wolfgang and Barbara back in the day.

What makes these works notable, is that they were all acquired to decorate the famous eateries owned by her and former husband Chef Wolfgang Puck. Spago recently went under the knife to reinvent itself.  Rumor has it his current wife, Gelila, oversaw this redesign, so if their marriage doesn’t work out—knock on wood!--maybe there will be another auction down the line.

Almost all the works are from the private dining rooms of the original Spago Beverly Hills.  In light of my recent musings on Spago from 1995-2002, and the fact that I spent almost that entire period intoxicated, this auction serves as a gift from God.  A veritable treasure trove of forgotten images, that when viewed in the sober light of day in 2014, awaken memory after memory. 

Who can forget drinking tequila in the banquet bar while debating the bartender whether Jim Lutes’ watercolor abstracts are really depicting penises and saggy boobs over out-of-focus portraits,

Jim Lute Abstract '96

or if the Mary Burns’ ornate ceramic urns that we hid our cocktails behind were really designed and put there in the likely event that if Milton Berle dropped dead while dining, we could just cremate him in our pizza oven, and pour him into anyone of the urns glued firmly to the shelves throughout the private dining room (PDR).  I recall we used them for paper wad “basketball” practice too.  Eventually they would overflow, and Hugo, the manager, would have to empty them, but he couldn’t tilt them because they were cemented in place!  I’ll never forget the disgusted look on his face as he would stand on a chair and reach in, never knowing for sure what might come out.

Ceramic Vase by Mary Burns

In the main private dining room, I would get dizzy studying Robert Motherwell’s “artist’s proof” lithographs of his Beau Geste Suite abstracts.  Every mother says their kid is precocious; Motherwell’s mom, I’m sure, was no exception, but sometimes the only difference between a piece of shit and a work of art, is a price tag.

Beau Geste Robert Motherwell

James Rosenquist’s Time Door Time d’Or dyed paper abstract depiction with lithographed appliques hung nearby the fabulously dizzy work of Motherwell, and the central artwork in the VIP dining room belonged to Jim Dine’s The Oil of Gladness [heliorelief and drypoint (printers proof)].  His reimagining of Venus di Milo sought to capture an age old depiction of beauty, and in my refocused recollection, it succeeded, especially when the scintillating rays of lamplight emerged from the hand blown Venetian glass chandeliers.

The Oil of Gladness Jim Dine

Time Door-Time d'Or Jim Rosenquist

Other works included Helen Frankenthaler’s The Grove color wood cut print on Awagami-Fujimori paper, and Roy Fairchild Woodard’s Only the Stars

The Grove  Helen Frankenthaler

Only the Stars Robert Fairchild Woodard

Also, perhaps on the cheesy side, but to me totally appropriate, she is auctioning all the furniture from Spago Beverly Hills.  A wave of disappointment crashed over me as Marvin Davis’s custom chair does not appear in the catalog.  I bet if you take a whiff of the upholstery, you can still smell the Cote de Bœuf he had just before his death.

I’ll be there on Thursday June 26^th at 200 pm.  ! http://www.juliensauctions.com/auctions/2014/fine-art/index.html

The Taming of the Review: the Spago Tasting Menu Part 1

All restaurants want good reviews, and Spago was no exception, but what Spago did to ensure a good review was nothing short of a culinary and service miracle. Indeed, the show Wolfgang Puck and our crew put on was on par with shows by the world’s greatest tent show faith healers.  We at the restaurant had a hive mind, all workers focused on one goal: We would win over the reviewer.  We knew their personality quirks.  Some, like Sunset Magazine, Los Angeles Magazine and run-of-the-mill travel guides were easy to impress.  House made angnolotti with shaved white truffles (trifola d’Alba) pretty much sends anyone over the moon; whereas a more world travelled restaurant professional would actually be able to compare this otherwise spectacular dish with the one they just had in Alba—last week!.  They know the real deal.  It was these heavy hitters that were in our sights.  Whether it was national reviewers, like Ruth Reichl from the New York Times, or S. Irene Virbilia of the LA Times, who served as conduits for our mission to reach the 1% of the 1%, or perhaps a historic wine maker like Henri Jayer, who revolutionized wine making in Burgundy, or Didier Dagueneau, the mystical, gravel worshiping vintner behind Pur Sang, the legendary Sauvignon Blanc, from Pouilly Fume.  These reviewers, even those posing as friends, required gastronomic jujitsu.  What I found remarkable as a participant in this culinary Olympics was Wolfgang’s unspoken battle cry: “Casual Elegance!”  The vibe in the front of the house was often comfortable—after all, he was “friends” with all these VIPs at least he was in the “Hello, he lied…” kind of way made famous by film producer Lynda Obst—but making a good impression was always the goal.  You are only as good as your last movie.  In the kitchen, it was a different story.  Chef Lee would bark at his sous chef, and line cook soldiers, and they would jump.  His gigantic pewter spoon, the one he always carried for tasting sauces, would ring like the bells of Notre Dame as he banged the counter, as he bellowed, PICK IT UP!  PICK IT UP!  PICK IT UP! For you see, we had no heat lamps.

The Spago journey always began on an earthly plane with the destination being the stars.  Upon pulling up outside the restaurant, a team of highly-trained valets greeted you.  The first sight as you stepped out of your car was the high garden wall and century-old olive trees offering the air of natural Mediterranean beauty and a guarantee of privacy from the prying cameras of the paparazzi.  If the valet manager recognized you—and it was his job to know people!--he instructed one of his men to serve as an impromptu doorman.  He swung open the heavy hardwood doors with the “Flame of Life” etched into the beveled glass, revealing a remarkable scene unfolding.  The long, narrow, wooden bar stretched out to the left while the French doors on the right opened up into the garden where olive trees bookended a fountain etched to look like a flame.

DADDY WARBUCKS

Marvin Davis had health problems, primarily diabetes. He didn’t heal quickly so when he got sick it really knocked him out. One time he was really sick and hadn’t been into Spago for a week, and we all missed him, especially our accountant. So I’m working my usual section on a Friday night and it’s busy, and I’m looking forward to an easy night without a slew of post it notes, and visits to Hell’s kitchen. Out of the blue one of the managers, Gigi, comes up to me and tells me Wolfgang needs me in the kitchen. I enter and go to the pass, which is jumping. Chef Lee is behind the line barking out pick ups and order-ins and fires. Plates are flying out of the kitchen. Wolfgang is in front of the pass examining plates. He sees me, and yells in that thick Austrian accent we all know and love,

“Adam, Marvin is sick. I need you to take food to Marvin. I saw Barbara at lunch and she says he misses us.” “Okay Chef,” I reply, eager to get back to my section before Karim, the Pakistani waiter-table thief, works his magic. “Tomorrow?” “No,” he yells, “Don’t be silly. Now!” Surprised, I manage to squeak out a mild protestation against the absurdity of it all. “But chef, what about my station?” He cuts me off. “I don’t care about your station. I care about Marvin! You go to Marvin right now...and take Lee with you.” I see Chef Lee with his mouth open, staring at Wolfgang in disbelief. Wolf looks at him. “Hurry! You two go to Marvin’s right now!” So Lee, who knows better than to argue with his boss, turns over the line and all thirty some odd tickets, to the sous chef Thomas. Thankfully Gigi takes over my station to keep the Indian fakir at bay.
Marvin lived in a huge mansion on a hill over looking Sunset. He resided in the old Doheny estate, most recently owned by Kenny Rogers. We didn’t talk much on the way over as Lee was furious at having been pulled off the line. We soon pulled up to the gate and were waved through. We ascended the drive way and passed the perfectly manicured lawns and trees. We were greeted by an enormous civil war cannon. Apparently Marvin had a huge collection of Civil War memorabilia, including a large collection of pistols and rifles. Why he never used one of them on his two obnoxious grandsons Jason and Brandon was always a mystery to me, but that’s another story.
We park in the middle of this huge roundabout and entered through the servants quarters. We are greeted by the butler and personal chef, who coincidentally had already made a spread of grub for Mr. D. It looked like a craft services spread for Teamsters. I’m thinking, “This is fucking overkill” as we had brought Cote du Beouf , Matzo Ball soup, pomme aligote ( a cheesey potato that come with a free ambulance ride to Cedars Sinai), white asparagus, and to top it off kaiserschmarren. Kaiserschmarren, which means “king of nonsense” was a strawberry souffle that Don Rickles affectionately called, “a second helping of diabetes”. Marvin’s chef just laughed at the abundance of it all. “I’ll plate it to look pretty, and then we’ll wait for the forklift to haul it upstairs.” We thank the staff and Chef Lee says to tell Marvin we said hello.
We are just about to exit when the butler comes in and says, “Mr. Davis would like to see you both...upstairs” We follow him to a grand staircase straight out of Little Orphan Annie. We begin to ascend and he comments quietly, “No one goes upstairs to the bedroom.” Just then that feeling of the surreal eclipsing the real begins to manifest itself. He opens the door to the Marvin’s bedroom, and all I can think of is Hotel California

“And in the master’s chambers, we gathered for the feast,
They stabbed it with their steely knives but they just can’t kill the beast!”.

Before us lay the biggest bed I have ever seen. In the middle of it, propped up on a mountain range of pillows was Mr. D in silk pajamas. At the far end of the room, was Mrs. Davis, playing solitaire on a little card table. “Hello boys,” she chirps. Lee replies, “Hello Mrs. Davis. Hi Mr. D. We brought you some supper. Your favorites.” Mr. Davis was really touched. I chimed in, “Mr. D, we miss you, and we hope you feel better real soon.” He picked at the buffet laid out before him, and we small talked. Eventually, he thanked us, and we bid him farewell. As I turned I heard his familiar gruff voice, “Adam, come here for a moment.” I approached the bed as he reached for a drawer on a night stand. Out of it he pulled a wad of hundred dollar bills with the band still attached. He popped the band and handed me five hundred dollars! It was all so unbelievable. I pondered, “Ten grand in a night stand!” He shook my hand. “Thank you for your trouble. See you soon.”

On the way back to Spago I offered Lee half the dough. “Chef, it was a to go order. Lee declined. “Take me back to the restaurant.” When we returned, I went to put on my apron. Chef Lee patted me on the back. Don’t go back to work.. Go home to your wife and kids. You made your money tonight. Lee really looked out for me.

I remember one afternoon in early 2002, I was stumbling back to the restaurant between shifts, and Lee saw me. He was driving his Porsche. the same Porsche that Wolfgang had given him after being forced to give it away by his then wife Barbara. Funny how Barbara theorized that Wolfgang’s midlife crisis could be cured by getting rid of the sports car. She was already onto him regarding his flirty behavior with a certain obnoxious hostess from Ethiopia, who would one day become his next wife. I swear he should have kept the car. Anyway...back to Lee. He flags me down and commands me to get in. I was self conscious because I had been drinking beer in my car and had spilled some on my pants. He glared at me. “Adam, you know, I can’t protect you forever. As long as I am physically here, no one can fire you, but Tracy doesn’t like your your temper and general lack of respect, and she’s the GM. If I leave town on business, and you fuck up, she can fire you. Your fucking employee file is thick with write ups. It was true. My file was fatter than a berkshire pig awaiting slaughter. He continued lecturing me. “ And your drinking again.” “Not much,” I meekly objected. “Why don’t you just stop?” I pondered that question. Lee knew a lot about cooking, but next to nothing when it came being marinated. Lee loved me--correction--he respected me. He knew what guys like me and Raffi, and Oscar, and Gigi, had to put up with on a daily basis was torturous, and more than often a blood sport for the rich and famous sadists that called Spago home.

Lee was also a stellar put down artist. He loved to haze waiters, and cooks. Our line ups involved tasting three or four specials of the day. He wanted to tell us what they were, method of cooking, origin of ingredients, and the recipe itself. Now, one thing that is somewhat interesting is the fact that Lee’s first job ever in a restaurant was at a Chinese joint in New Jersey. Lee told us repeatedly that that was the reason why he was very fond of Asian cuisine. One day yet again, he was telling about his first job at the Chinese place, and I was probably buzzed, and feeling cocky, so after he got done explaining the origins of Chinese ten spice, I inquired, “Chef, could you tell us how many miles of snow you had to walk through to get to the Chinatown Express?”

Everybody laughed, except Lee. He just stared at the table. He then looked up, and to no one in particular said, “If any of you have any questions about these dishes, ask the comedian.” And he stormed out. My comrades were so pissed at me because these dishes were complicated specials, and we couldn’t just bullshit our way through, especially Gigi, who was so terrified of mispronouncing an English word and end up describing a sexual act instead of something to eat. And as all of us “cunning linguists” know. It is a fine line indeed.

Bea Arthur RIP

My friend David waited on her numerous times at Spago-a-go-go, and Johnnie, the Spago Director of Service, and a HUGE Golden Girls fan, always sent her a ton of free stuff--that she truly didn't want. One day David dropped off a truckload of desserts, and she said, "Honey, did Johnnie send this over?" He replied, "Yes Ms. Arthur." And she sniped, "Tell him not to be such a star fucker!"

That line's almost as classic as the time Suzanne Pleshette--who swore in a fashion that made sailors blush--asked me for a tomato pasta dish with no spice. I dutifully noted NO CHILE FLAKE on the order, only to have the English as a Second Language sous chef read it as EXTRA CHILE. She took one bite, and started gasping, "Waiter! Waiter, bring me a glass of milk! My f%#king ass is on fire!"

God Bless Bea Arthur and Suzanne Pleshette for that matter!

[INSERT INSANE REQUEST HERE] Yes Sir! Right Away, Sir!

Yes, rich, famous people, have asked for insane things, and Spago-a-go-go, for instance would do everything to accommodate them.
We once went to buy french fries from In and Out, for someone, but also, once, this billionaire, Marvin Davis, wanted meatloaf, which you can't just whip up from scratch in fifteen minutes. Coincidentally, we had had meatloaf for staff meal, that same afternoon, so we heated up what was left, and served it to him. He loved it. It was certainly worth the $30 bucks we charged him.

The Poison Ivy would NEVER accommodate them--sort of reverse psychology, and they're psychos, so they should know.

Words of Wisdom from Wolfgang

Hi!
It's been crazy this November, sorry for the lack of posts. I'll be up to speed asap.

Here's a good one from Wolfgang Puck, that would make Yogi Berra proud.

Upon seeing a group of idle waiters chatting, Wolfgang barks out, "I never want to see more than one waiter together at the same time!"