Bea Arthur RIP

My friend David waited on her numerous times at Spago-a-go-go, and Johnnie, the Spago Director of Service, and a HUGE Golden Girls fan, always sent her a ton of free stuff--that she truly didn't want. One day David dropped off a truckload of desserts, and she said, "Honey, did Johnnie send this over?" He replied, "Yes Ms. Arthur." And she sniped, "Tell him not to be such a star fucker!"

That line's almost as classic as the time Suzanne Pleshette--who swore in a fashion that made sailors blush--asked me for a tomato pasta dish with no spice. I dutifully noted NO CHILE FLAKE on the order, only to have the English as a Second Language sous chef read it as EXTRA CHILE. She took one bite, and started gasping, "Waiter! Waiter, bring me a glass of milk! My f%#king ass is on fire!"

God Bless Bea Arthur and Suzanne Pleshette for that matter!

The "Lie" Styles of the Rich and Oblivious

Need I remind you, that the the Ivy manifests itself in the idea that the celebrity life is ideal and although not inevitable to the average toiling midget, it should nonetheless be pursued with a lemming like vengance.

What's not really known to the general public, is how the owners of the the Ivy--Dick and Blanche Dubois, perpetuate this lie. They own a home once owned by Hollywood Golden Age director George Cukor, and have had many articles written--actually concocted--by the likes of George Christy, which build up an ideal life of "swimming pools and movie stars." This is coupled with interior design articles that make ridiculous allusions comparing the over decorated bedroom of Poison Ivy owner, Blanche DuBois, to other romantic-tragic figures like those found in Camille. Am I the only one feeling acid reflux here?

Which leads me to the mob that's been picking on "poor" Gweneth Paltrow, over her foray into "lifestyle" branding.  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/22/fashion/22gwyneth.html

It appears we would all be better off if we just went to the same spas, restaurants, and gyms as Gweneth, but what never ceases to amaze me, is how we all have a part to play here. We got the movie star--check. We got the delusional general public--check. We got the "lifestyle media" with their Aikido like mastery of deflecting attention from the horrors that await us as the economy crumbles. It's like the guests at The Mask of the Red Death with Gweneth playing the part of Princess Prospero.

The whole thing makes me want to puke champagne and caviar.

"I'll have the Credit Line Special, with the Interest on the Side."

UGGH! It's so frustrating! Long story short of it, I have been grossly underemployed since September, when the Poison Ivy and I parted ways. Proof positive, that life goes on, January has marked a small reversal in my situation, but unfortunately, I have fallen behind on some cc's--first time in 7 years! Anyway, some of them have gone 90 days, and the calls have become irritatingly frequent--24 calls in 11 hours on my cell alone, not to mention the untold numbers on my unplugged home line.

Anyway...I usually just ignore them, but occasionally I take the bait, to explain, I got no $ right now. Well, what a difference 90 days make! The 90 day callers are real assholes, out of the gate, and it's a battle to see who controls the call, a battle gladly accepted by this masochist. I didn't work at Spago-a-go-go, and the Poison Ivy for 14 years total, to be pushed around by some scumbag from Bumfuck Arkansas.

For example, Juniper Visa called tonight. I didn't know it was them since my phone's ID said UNKNOWN. Anyway I answered and this woman starts asking all these "security" questions, before telling me who she is to begin with! Once I found out who it was, I asked them to hold as I checked my phone log of previous conversations. I saw that I had asked for them to put a settlement offer in writing on the 23rd of January. I requested the same settlement offer again, and reminded them that Citibank had done the same, and we had struck a deal.

Then, as a simple gesture of goodwill, I suggested that they identify themselves on their caller ID, like Citibank. She then inquired how I could afford caller ID but couldn’t afford to pay them. I then responded that her line of questioning was outside the scope of our discussion, but since she was getting personal, I now I would have to get personal and start referring to her as “Stupid Cunt”.

Anyway...just venting. It's humbling too, in that they are professionals, they have a script, while I just have my reactions to their insane inquiries.

[INSERT INSANE REQUEST HERE] Yes Sir! Right Away, Sir!

Yes, rich, famous people, have asked for insane things, and Spago-a-go-go, for instance would do everything to accommodate them.
We once went to buy french fries from In and Out, for someone, but also, once, this billionaire, Marvin Davis, wanted meatloaf, which you can't just whip up from scratch in fifteen minutes. Coincidentally, we had had meatloaf for staff meal, that same afternoon, so we heated up what was left, and served it to him. He loved it. It was certainly worth the $30 bucks we charged him.

The Poison Ivy would NEVER accommodate them--sort of reverse psychology, and they're psychos, so they should know.

Oh So Busy, We're So Busy, So Busy, So Busy, So Gay!

You gotta laugh. In La La Land things are mighty sucky in the high end dining world right now. Spago-a-go-go is off 30% and laying off waiters. Others are off about the same. But my spies at the Poison Ivy, told me of a staff meeting where Dick and Blanche Du Bois commanded their minions to do the following: If a guest asks how business has been, tell them it's been GREAT! If they inquire about the fact that half the seats are empty at one in the afternoon, just refresh their $5.75 ice tea.
Or, if they keep seeing the same faces, and they ask where the other waiters are, don't tell them that there are only 12 waiters on the entire schedule at Siberia By the Shore, when there used to be 25.

Kudos to the Poison Ivy for constructing yet another nest of lies to add to their ever expanding labyrinth of lies!