Meet the Fakers

Some of you have inquired how my orchard supervisor interview went at the organic farm yesterday. Not so great. In fact, profoundly disappointing. I drove out there early, and when I entered the farm, I was really impressed. Obviously whoever owns it has serious cash. The land alone is worth about 3 million (based on a Zillow comparison for a barren lot down the road).

Biodyamic farms are self-contained entities ("living organisms") as Rudolf Steiner would call them. There were beautifully laid out pastures, rolling orchards,Scottish highland cattle and exotic sheep. There was a pond that had been converted into a classic California riparian xeri-scape.

Anyway I got there on time, and then a farm employee, told me to wait as they were meeting someone else. I waited nearly a half hour, then met the young man who along with his wife are the "farm managers". Neither of them have an agriculture background beyond the three years the farm has been in existence. He's a documentary film maker, she was/is an in-house chef with a celebrity/vip clientele. You can see how I might have thought, "These are my people!" Anyway, they invited me into an office, and immediately embarked on one of the lamest interviews I have ever experienced. The husband was obsessed with my tractor skills. I am certified, but he kept talking about how "they" (the Mexicans) wouldn't respect me if my skills weren't as good as theirs. Never mind that I've worked with Mexicans of all stripes for 25 years, and my ex-wife is of Latina heritage (I declined to reveal this info). Plus the use of the phrase "they won't respect you" struck me as incredibly racist. That language is used for training stubborn breeds of dogs (i.e Rhodesian Ridgebacks, which I own btw!). Anyway, they told me nothing of the farm, which was peculiar, as it was a truly amazing place. I had to ask them all the questions. I told them about my honey business and how much I love bees, and he replied, "Sounds like you should stay in the bee business" BTW bees are indispensable to biodynamic farming, and they didn't have bees there.

I could go on and on, but perhaps it is another chapter in my book. LOL! Some might find this amusing, as I try to connect the dots, but I was suspicious of a company that has one investor (from Chicago) but they decline to reveal who he/she is, and the farm was featured in a OWN special on organic farming. Maybe it's Oprah, but what kind of investor shells out at least 5 million dollars but has two beginning farmers as managers. The wife had self published a cookbook with a foreword written by the musician Beck. Now, call me paranoid, but Beck is a well known Scientologist, and Scientologists only help each other. So as I sat there holding court with these charlatans, I could only think of the great existential film, "The King of Hearts", where the town has been deserted save for the inmates of the local asylum, who assume the roles of the town folk.

There is a vibe to Scientologists. For instance, a cult will tell you all the things to "talk you out of" wanting the position, so you'll beg to join. The wife actually said to me, "We're here to talk you out of it."--"DANGER, Will Robinson, DANGER!"--And they also insisted the position was a live-on position. The ad said "housing may be available"--a nice perk for the right person--but when I pointed this out, the husband proceeded to lecture me about farm-life. This being a small farm with a drip irrigation system. There are so many orchard emergencies!

I could be wrong, but my wife has a background in stunts, and she worked for a Batman stunt show years before where the company was owned by Scientologists. And they were always posturing in an arrogant, "we know better than you" way, and hired subcontractors who were scientologists, and then were humiliated when the million dollar set they built was built backwards!

OK enough whining...I've got a proposal to finish!